Usually women are their own harshest critics and constantly judge their own looks and bodies (let’s not even mention when we meanly judge other women). But men, for the most part, love women’s bodies pretty much as they are.
I woke up the other morning to find my wife, Karel, in front of her mirror, examining her stretch marks. She asked me whether I thought she should try using cream to get rid of them. I told her the truth, which was that if she really wanted to improve her appearance, she should get some more beauty sleep before our gremlins came in to rob us of whatever remains of our youth. What I didn’t tell her – but should have – is this: I pretty much never notice those stretch marks. Like most guys, I’m too busy paying attention to the stuff that makes the female body so awesome. We do, however, see your obsessing and attempting to compensate for what you perceive as flaws. Want to save yourself a whole bunch of angst and money? Read on.
WHAT MEN DON’T NOTICE
Cellulite, bellies, etc.
When I go to the pool in the summertime, I get sad when I see beautiful women covering up their bodies because they’re self-conscious about a few jiggly parts here and there. Who cares? Everybody’s got a little jiggle; it’s a sign of good times. A woman who is confident enough to show you that she knows how to eat and laugh, who is willing to let a little muffin top rise over the edge of the pan, is a lot sexier than someone who hides herself in big, billowy clothing. As for getting physical, these bits don’t bother guys either: a little extra bounce and slap here and there is never a bad thing in bed.
Breasts that don’t bounce to attention.
Men love boobs. Some guys are ‘boob men’ and have specific tastes, but most of us are excited by life’s rich tapestry of breasts. After two kids and 10 years together, I think my wife’s pair of aces is just as incredible as when she first taught me how to play Texas hold ’em. (Worst poker metaphor ever? Yup.) Luckily, Karel still loves her girls too, and proudly displays them despite all the changes they’ve undergone in the last decade. An appreciated boob is a sexy boob, whether it’s an A cup or a double D, whether there is a little sag or one’s bigger than the other. If you love your breasts and think they’re hot, so will your guy.
What you’re doing with your hair down there.
Sometimes I trim my beard, sometimes I don’t. Feel free to take the same approach, because I’m not really paying attention. I’ve had this discussion with friends, and we all agree that the product is a lot more interesting than the packaging. So grow it out, trim it, make a funny design like a lighting bolt or an arrow, just have fun with it. One personal caveat: I’m not a fan of totally waxed pubic hair. I think it’s creepy and weird to fetishize the look of prepubescence. And regrowth is no fun for either party.
What are these things? I see so many commercials about split ends, and the women in those commercials seem very concerned. I couldn’t identify a split end if it robbed me at gunpoint.
Isn’t it a relief to know that men really don’t notice that stuff? So the question is: why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?
Written by Aaron Traister, this article originally appeared in Redbook